Revenge: The End of the End
by Disco Ant
Summary: Goemon wants revenge and for some reason he chases down one person to right the wrongs done to him many years ago. Lupin III and RE4


Okay, so another title that doesn't make sense. I suck at titles. Ack, my finger's bleeding. How'd that happen? Anyway, they really need to add "Wacky" to the category thing. "Comedy" just isn't good enough. I had a lot of fun writing this story. xD

**Revenge: The End of The End**

Leon Kennedy, member of STARS, ran down the old warn trail on his way to an unnamed village. Three villagers spotted him, talking amongst themselves before running off.  
He grabbed his gun, a standard issued police pistol, and checked the clip. It was full. He put it back in place and continued across.  
"Wah!" he screamed suddenly as he was shoved from behind, flying over the bridge, just able to grab hold of the side ropes. "Hey guy!" he whined as he dangled.  
Goemon payed no attention to him. His mind was set on something else. Someone else.

Ramon Salazar, the young short Spanish man, for some reason wanted to be Napoleon. He put on a Napoleonic outfit, one made to look more Spanish. He practiced day and night his speeches deep in the recesses of his castle.  
"I am Napoleon!" he would scream at the top of his lungs.

Goemon had been watching TV when he saw Salazar in a news story. He was immediately disturbed. Something inside burned. He needed to get that guy. He needed revenge.  
And so he ran, slicing his way through mad villagers who yelled things at him. He didn't know what they were saying, but it angered him. Plus it was very rude.  
Strange men in robes tried to sell stuff to him. They were rather pushy, so Goemon killed them as well.  
"Grr!" El Gigante roared.  
Goemon never stopped, cutting the hideous monster in half as he passed.  
After running several miles and killing off most the the countries impoverished, helping to improve the economy somewhat, Goemon finally stood in front of the castle.  
"Donde esta my Cheetos!" a villager screamed as he led a large pack of poor people towards Goemon, attempting to stop him from entering the castle.  
Goemon held his nose from the smell. For some evil and hideous reason they all smelled like rotten fish and old stale coffee grounds. He would never drink coffee again.  
"No mi Cheetos!" the man yelled in despair as he was killed, his group soon following his fate.

Goemon stormed into the castle, Salazar staring at him from the balcony. "I am Napoleon!" Salazar screamed, pointing an angry finger at Goemon.  
"Mi-mid-midget..." Goemon stuttered as he became enraged. His mind thought back to his sad past...

He was four when it happened, the small domed car pulling into his village.  
The villagers were curious. They approached the vehicle.  
Goemon was with his father, hiding behind his legs as the really short man got out of the car.  
He was dressed as a mime. Goemon was already afraid of them, so he hid farther behind his dad's legs.  
The mime did some tricks. He was trapped in a box. Then he climbed down stairs. Then he leaned against a post.  
And for his last trick he reached behind him and pulled out an uzi, blowing away everyone around him.  
He then laughed, which is unheard of for a mime, and got in his tiny car and drove off.  
Goemon only survived because he hid. Hid from the mad midget mime that slaughtered his village.

"Midget!!" Goemon screamed, realizing that during the flashback Salazar had escaped.  
He ran, scouring the enormous castle.  
"Optical illusion!" he declared. "This place is smaller on the outside!"  
He fumed, wondering why everyone had weapons from the middle ages. He fumed more, realizing he had a katana-like weapon and convincing himself it was completely different.  
He ran into the blind Wolverine guy in the castle prison. He then wondered why have a blind guy. At least he wasn't a midget. Or a mime.  
Goemon walked off, realizing that while deep in thought he forgot to kill the blind guy. He shrugged. "At least he wasn't yelling about Cheetos," he muttered.  
Goemon hated Cheetos. Despised them. He got angry just thinking about the odd cheese flavored snack. In his anger he cut a hole through the stone wall, taking a shortcut.  
"What'll it be, stra-"  
Goemon sliced the merchant in half. He then robbed him and started cursing Lupin for getting him into the habit of stealing.

Goemon soon found himself outside. He faced a large tall tower. "Optical illusion, again!" he exclaimed as he looked around. "The castle is now bigger on the outside"  
He was soon distracted by a group of monk looking characters. They were very pale, reminding Goemon of the mimes he so hated.  
And so, he killed them. And then he burned them.  
Salazar was inside the tower. He had been running this whole time, trying to escape.  
"Midget!" Goemon yelled.  
Salazar froze. He then turned slowly. "I...am...NAPOLEON!!!" He was angry. Nobody seemed to understand him.  
"Grah!" Goemon yelled at random, rushing forward.  
Salazar smirked as he pulled out a bag of Cheetos and began to munch on them.  
"Midget with Cheetos!!" Goemon was hysterical. He flailed his arms about madly.  
Just then two of the pale skinned guys came out, doing their best trapped in a box impression.  
"Mimes next to Midget with Cheetos!!!" Goemon was now having an asthma attack. He fumbled in his pockets for his inhaler and then remembered he left them in his other pants. More fuming and cursing followed.  
By the time his attack subsided Salazar was again nowhere to be seen.

Goemon ran out of the tower to another tower. Stuff happened and then it was off to yet another tower.  
This new tower had outer steps leading to a door. Near the door was another merchant.  
The merchants all looked and sounded the same, scaring Goemon as he wondered how the same merchant kept coming back from the dead to forcefully sell him stuff. He was never scared for long, however, as he quickly and violently slaughtered them all.  
He entered the door, facing a long hallway. At the end stood Salazar and one of the mimes.  
"Mime next to Midget!" Goemon screamed as he ran forward.  
A large plant creature sucked the two up, both becoming part of the creature.  
Goemon was angry as the plant ruined his chances for revenge. He screamed, hacking the plant to bits.  
Not seeing any need to stay, Goemon turned and left the castle, completely ignoring the island facility off the coast, where the inhabitants gave continuous ads for Applebees, Goemon not getting to be reminded of that hilarious time he had there with his friends on that one cold winter day.


End file.
